Friday, March 25, 2011

Sawyer's Heart Project - Our Wish List

Sawyer's Heart Project provides immediate support and comfort to bereaved parents who have experienced a pregnancy loss, stillbirth or the loss of an infant through the distribution of hospital memory boxes.

As most of you know by now, we have recently been welcomed by Angels Of Hope, Inc. NFP based out of Morris. They are a fantastic organization that supports families who have suffered the emotional or physical absence of a child.

It will be a few weeks before their website is updated with our information ( so until then I will be posting our "Wish List" of items for our memory boxes here and on our Facebook page.

Thank you to everyone for your continued support and please feel free to share our mission with your friends and family.

"Our Wish List"

-Plaster molding kit sets for hands and feet
-Receiving blankets
-Hat and bootie sets for newborns and preemies
-Newborn and preemie sleepers
-Small candles or votive candle holders
-Disposable cameras
-Copies of the booklet "When Hello Means Goodbye" - Available online only
-Copies of the books - "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" and "The Christmas Box"
-Travel-size baby shampoos and lotions
-Small notebooks or journals
-Angel ornaments
-Baby's handprint or footprint ink kits
-Picture frames (Nothing larger than 5x7 please)

Please send all items to the following address

Sawyer's Heart Project
c/o Michelle Williams
25645 Bridle Path
Channahon, IL 60410

Donations can also be dropped off at:

Holsinger Meents, Ltd.
101 West Illinois Avenue
Suite 1
Morris, IL

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Holding on to what I have

Yesterday was a particularly hard one for me and Erik.

I'm not sure why. It wasn't a significant date and there was no specific reason. The sadness just hung over us.

I could hear Erik in the kitchen late last night, humming a song that we both sang to Sawyer as he died - "You Are My Sunshine" - and he had a chair turned, facing out the window. He was looking at Sawyer's angel turning colors in the dark. I don't know if he knew that I could hear him, but I did. And I left him alone. You learn that about grief. That your spouse sometimes, needs that space to just be. And you grow together in learning how it all works. We grieve so differently, and at other times - we're right in sync with each other.

I crawled into Sadie's bed in the middle of the night. I needed to feel her against me. Know that she was safe and warm. I do that a lot. I can feel my broken heart pounding inside of me so powerfully when I do this...

Because when I yearn for Sawyer, there's nothing to hold against my chest. No cheek to stroke or hair to smooth.

I hold Sadie and I'm grateful. And I pray that nothing ever takes her away from me.

The sun is out today and we didn't talk about anything last night. The mood is softer, Sadie makes us laugh. And a new baby is persistantly kicking me all day long.

The hope mixed with the grief. The love pouring out over the loss.