It was a year ago today that we found out we were pregnant with Sawyer.
It was cold and snowing and I had taken a home pregnancy "line" test that showed the faintest little plus sign. I obviously couldn't trust that and neither did Erik.
So at midnight on that Sunday, he dutifully drove 10 miles down to the 24-hour Walmart and picked up a digital test. Needless to say, I slept easier that night after the word PREGNANT popped up on a tiny, gray screen.
When people asked how I was doing during the pregnancy, I'd always say that I felt good, but that something with the baby just "didn't feel right."
I said it over and over. I can't explain how I
knew. And sometimes, I wish I really knew...
After Sawyer died and I looked back on my journal and all the blogs I had written about his short life and the journey to his birth - Almost everything was prefaced with that "not right" feeling.
I tell people now, that my heart always knew - it just took a while for it to get to my head.
And that's the thing about pregnancy and motherhood that gets lost today. Instinct. We ignore it when our hearts are pounding. Sit silent when a doctor attempts to calm your fears. Even though you just
know something is dead wrong.
If I had any advice to give to any mother it would be to
always follow that instinct. We have it for a reason - even though we might not always know it at the time.
My instinct saved my life - and gave me two precious days with my son that I might have never had.
