Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Other Mother

We went out for a shopping trip last night, one of our first as a family. Landon was fed and full, slept the entire time in his carseat. We were stopped, more than once...

"He's so sweet!"

"How old is he?!"

"I bet you're not sleeping at night!"

We smile, say thank you and move along.

The one thing I can't get out of my head though, is Sawyer. And especially how I felt just one year ago. I can't be completely beaming with the pride of a new mother. Instead, I worry that there might be another mother, grieving the loss of her baby. Trying not to look at our baby, but finding herself staring - hiding her tears.

I want to tell her I'm sorry, and that I was - and still am that mother.


Smilen Champ said...

My name is Jenna and I came across your site. Landon is a real cutie, adorble, precious and special baby boy. He has a gaurdian angel looking over him and that is Sawyer. I was born with a rare life threatening disease, and I love it when people sign my guestbook.

Ruth H. said...

I'm stopping by from Stephenie's blog. I want to congratulate you on your new addition--he's beautiful! I also want to tell you I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for writing "The Other Mother." Two of our four children were born with CHD's, one much more severe than the other. Our youngest daughter only lived for a year. Even though I was very grateful that she no longer had to experience pain, it was still incredibly hard to have empty arms. We had known I wouldn't be able to have another baby, so for a long time it was hard for me to see a newborn without feeling wounded and left out of the party. I'm so happy for your miracle, but thank you for acknowledging that it is hard not to be sad about it, too.

Becky Baker said...

Wow! I can't believe it took me so long to find your blog! My firstborn is also a baby girl we named Sadie, she like Sawyer was born too early, one month after Sawyer!
I'm glad to have found your blog, your words are beautiful!
Congrats on the newest member!

fireworksinheaven said...

thanks michelle, i know you understand how i feel after reading this, but please always remember, i cant watch my baby grow and be happy for him, but i can watch lando grow and be happy for you and him! <3 you!