Sunday, February 19, 2012

Consideration, please.

We visited the cemetery today and - like always - carefully tended to our son's grave. We go to see Sawyer often. Probably more than most people think. The shock of his death has only very recently worn off, and there are still days where we feel completely numb all over again. I wish that people would be more considerate of our healing. That people would take a few seconds to think before they say so many things that can be so incredibly hurtful - not just to me and Erik, but to my children too. I had to hold my son and watch him die. Imagine that. Just try to imagine watching your child slowly die in your arms. So forgive me if I'm taking too long in grieving his life. Because even if I lived on this planet for all of eternity, I'd never get over it.

8 comments:

elena said...

Beautifully written. I felt I related so much to your words. I just said yesterday that I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Though they are rare I do have the why us moments too. Thinking of you and wishing none of us had to suffer in any way. *hugs* thank you for sharing your heart.

elena said...

Sorry my comment was meant to go under the "why us" post I was doing this from my phone. I read this post and I agree there is no time line on grief and I often wish people would respect and honor that. I am not asking for them to feel as we do just to allow us the space to grieve the way we need to.

elena said...

Ok I figured out what happened I was trying to post that comment on another blog but it led me to yours which I am grateful for. I am so sorry for the mix up. Your blog is beautiful! *hugs*

NE Mom said...

I just came to your blog today and this is the first thing I read. I am so sorry you don't have your son with you, I am so sorry he isn't climbing on you or pulling on your hair or beaming into your eyes with his own loving eyes. I am so sorry your time with him was so short.

My son was born with a congenital heart defect, three words you know not one thing about until they apply to someone you love with all of your big strong mama heart.

Adam is 7 months old now, he had open-heart surgery when he was 4 months and 11 days old.

I won't go on, but I wanted to say, to remind you, let yourself feel whatever you are feeling at the moment you are feeling it. Let others around you see your feelings....

My love goes out to you over this internet today, I am thankful you have the babies with you that are with you, but I understand that you can never ever and would never ever want to forget the one baby who you don't get to be with daily. Your strength in your words and tears and sadness and everything you feel are amazing.

Apryl McLean

Megan B ♥ said...

Michelle, I'm so sorry that some people feel the need to intrude upon your private journey in such an unhelpful way. I with everyone could understand that there is no expiration on grief and there is no rulebook for this tender path. Keep doing what you're doing! You're amazing!!

xoxo

Megan B
Teeny Tears

PS, I love the picture of Landon next to Sawyer's gravestone. So beautiful, so precious.

Megan B ♥ said...

"I wish", not "I with". Blogging with a lisp, I guess...

Dr.Trident said...

The mourning process is different for all of us. Most important to remember is that life is for the living. It's okay to remember but it's also okay to move forward. What you have accomplished is a beautiful tribute/remembrance of your lovely son. I too lost a child shortly after birth. My advice to you is "hold on to the past but never neglect the present and the future.Reserve a special place in your heart for Sawyer's and lock it away. You shouldn't be afraid of losing the memory and it's perfectly normal to move on. The bond between mother and child is very strong. So you need not worry. A bond so strong that even death cannot break the ties that bind. As your other children get older more and more of your time will be consumed by them. Helping with homework, driving them here and there for clubs,sports teams, after school activities and such. Take care to celebrate their accomplishments and their lives. Realize that as they get older they won't visit his grave as much as they do now and that's okay too. As I said there is nothing stronger than the bond between a mother and her child. So it's important to not let that upset you or feel any kind of resentment towards them. I lost my daughter 25 years ago this August. I will never forget her but as I said. Life goes on.

carrielyshous said...

I couldn't agree more. I think the grieving process lasts for life! Sorry you have to listen to heartless people. We lost our little baby girl in July, and I will always carry her in my heart. Thank you for starting Sawyer's Heart. I'm looking to do something similar in my area. Any suggestions?