Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Two Years Ago...

Two Years Ago... I knew nothing about congenital heart defects - yet I was pregnant with a sweet, baby boy - who had one of the rarest CHD's of all. I had an ultrasound of my unborn son and saw his heartbeat. I thought that simply seeing a heartbeat, meant that his heart was fine. I did not know that my son's life was quickly ticking toward the end, even though it had just started. I knew something was wrong, felt that something about Sawyer wasn't right. But, could never put my finger on it. I couldn't imagine the anguish, sadness and ache that would follow the loss of my son. I did not know any other mother who had lost a baby. I was just 3 months away from having to make the most difficult, heartbreaking decision of my entire life. A decision that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I was naive. Bad things happen to other people, not to me. Sawyer, your broken heart has taught me so much. It has almost been two years since you were gone, and in that time I have made wonderful, life-long friends and learned so much about grief and bereavement. The one thing I don't want is for people to look at your death as a statistic. Yes, you were 1 in 100 babies born with a CHD every single day. Yes, you were 1 of the 4,000 babies who don't live to see their first birthday because of a CHD. Your life, as brief as it was, has so much purpose. Thank you my sweet baby. I love you.

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