Life is so busy.
No time to sit here and really write what runs through my mind. I have a journal that I keep on my dresser. When a thought comes, I jot it down as quickly as I can so that I have it forever.
The memories aren't as vivid any more. I hate that.
I find myself drifting a bit. Away from family and friends. Wanting to just be alone with what I have now and needing time to consume all of it.
The fog of our nightmare, however, is lifting. The heavy pain heaped upon my shoulders is beginning to become more bearable to carry.
There are days when out of nowhere, a certain feeling creeps back into my stomach and heart. That sensation of feeling like you've been kicked in the stomach. Realizing that all of this did happen to you.
Sadie has been talking about her brother a lot. I wonder if he visits her in dreams or in beautiful fall sunsets. When I asked her what she wanted for Christmas a few days ago she said, "My baby brother."
How does a mother answer that? There isn't an answer.
A mother smiles through the tears, hugs her daughter and says "I do too sweetie. I do too."
It's almost six months.