Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Something I haven't seen before

Next to my desk is the display case we bought to place our pictures of Sawyer. And in the moment, it catches you.

Just pictures. His face. Those tiny, perfect toes and soft legs.

He's in a case. On a shelf.

There should be a swing in this corner.

My kitchen counter should be a mess with bottles and nipples. Dishes waiting to be washed. Laundry - piles and piles of laundry - sitting in a heap by the washer and dryer.

Instead, everything is clean and neat. Too neat. Too normal.

The sadness swells and that sick feeling like I've been punched in the stomach creeps back inside of me. And I look at his pictures for something - anything - I haven't seen before.

7 comments:

mommy4boys said...

Thinking of you. I really hate those moments. And right now, real close to 6 months, it seems to hurt more and happen more often.
Sending hugs and love,
~C

TanaLee Davis said...

I'm sorry that your feeling this way today.
I too hate the empty feeling and searching for something to continue.
Try and relax, do something for yourself.
It's days like these that you gotta listen to your body and not allow your sadness to completely over whelm you..easier said then done..I know. Sending you a hug-
~Felicia

Wyatt's Mommie said...

Thinking of you... I understand how you feel, 100% understand.

brigette said...

So sorry. Those stings hurt so bad!! Sending much love your way and thinking of you

brigette said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LetterstoClaire said...

It certainly is a terrible feeling... I have a list of memorial projects I want to do and I haven't begun them yet because I know one day there won't be any more to do and it will hurt. I look at her urn every day and wish to heaven I had her instead. I'm thinking of you!

Hazel Nut said...

Thinking of you and sending you love (((you)))