Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Always heavy

Today is one of those days where I could just cry forever.

The more this baby grows inside of me, the more I miss him.

Two days. Not even two days.

I held him while he died. I held him for his entire life - the end of his life.

It doesn't stop. It doesn't stop.

Time does not make it easier. The person who said that is wrong. It's bullshit.

The weight of the grief? Is always the same. Maybe some days, it's easier to pick up - but the size never changes. It's always heavy.

8 comments:

HauteSingleMama said...

xoxo. For me, the days where it's easier to pick up have begun to come more often. But you're right - the weight remains the same.

Kathryn @ Expectant Hearts said...

Michele, it's still so soon.. Which is NOT a way of saying time heals. I do believe some wounds time doesn't touch, this particular wound will always cut deep. But yes, some days, it will be easier to bear.

Big hugs to you.

Wyatt's Mommie said...

I couldn't agree with this post more... You are a very powerful writer. Love you...

Danielle said...

There is so much truth in your words. Time does not make it easier. Hugs to you...

brigette said...

Once again a very true and powerful post... Im sad that you feel this way and wish it didnt have to be so.. at the same time its nice to know im not totally crazy for feeling the exact same way!! Much love to you!

Kristine said...

I like your analogy with the weight. It's like over time, we build more muscle and can pick it up easier, but it's always just as heavy. I sometimes describe it like I lost a limb. Eventually, you learn to walk again, but it's not the same. I remember we connected when I was around the same point you were, 8 months or so out. It was so, so, so dark and scary during that time for me. <3 you!

Laurie said...

I'm behind...but today i needed to read this...because today I can't even pick it up... so I'll try not to judge myself.. thank you.

The Good, The Bad, & The Family said...

I prayed so hard for Sawyer for those two days and have continued since. I'm so happy that you have this new life. I'm keeping you all in prayer. And keep spreading the word about CHD.