Saturday, January 15, 2011


An old friend gave me a heaping dose of hope a few nights ago.

I received a beautiful card from her, congratulating us on our pregnancy and tucked inside the tiny package was a newborn sleeper.

Until that moment, the mere thought of buying anything for the new baby hadn't crossed my mind. When you lose your baby, things drastically change the next time around.

You fear everything. Anxiety grips you at nearly every turn.

You become too afraid to have hope.

But, that's just the thing that my dear friend Kristi gave me...

Hope to dream of a future for our baby.

Hope to imagine this child in my arms someday.

Hope for the rainbow at the end of the storm.


Ausmerican Housewife said...

Sawyer's a big brother!?


I am so excited for you! Oh what a blessing, a baby to hope for and love and (possibly send a little something aussie over) to spoil!

Oh darling dear mama, congratulations!

Dana said...

Congratulations! I am so happy for you, but I know the fear all too well. I love that your friend send you a sleeper. I bought 2 sleepers at the beginning of my 3rd pregnancy and it felt good.

You are so right about the anxiety and fear. I also found that it brought back some grief for Jacob. I was happy and excited about the new baby, but being pregnant again made me miss Jacob even more.

LetterstoClaire said...

I'm sending prayers your way as we speak! Congratulations!! You 100% have a right to hope, even if that hope comes with the fear and uncertainty that exists for you because of Sawyer. I don't know what will happen when I find out I'm pregnant (we're trying, wish me luck!) but my "plan" is to let myself buy gender neutral onesies and clothes just like I did for Claire because I want to yell at the universe, "You can't take another one!!! So there!" (this is followed by me sticking my tongue out at the universe). We'll see if I am able to do that when it actually happens, but I plan to be as defiant as possible and hope, hope, hope (and pray, pray, pray too!)

rebecca said...

Congratulations!! I'm glad to hear this has been an uneventful pregnancy and I hope so much that it remains that way for you. I understand trying to balance the grief and joy well as I'm entering week 9 of my rainbow pregnancy. It's almost frightening to hope too much because you worry about all that could go wrong again. I'm glad you were blessed just when you needed it by you friend. Hope you continue to enjoy a blessedly uneventful pregnancy.