Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Happy one-month birthday

My beautiful angel would have turned one-month-old today.

Would I have been able to hold him yet?
Would I have him held against my breast, nursing his fragile body into strength? Would his isolette be decorated with bright colors and warm blankets?

Maybe he would have smiled for us by now...

Instead, we will mark this occassion by visiting a monument company and picking out a headstone for our dead baby. Happy birthday Sawyer, here's a slab of granite.

Everyday, I pray to God for you. I tell him to let you how sorry I am for what happened. I miss you and even though my heart tells me that you're safe - my soul, my entire body - needs you here.

I want to see you just one more time. Just once more, God. Please give me that. I want my baby back.

I want so many things for him. Our dreams and hopes for our first-born son, our sweet baby Sawyer - are gone.

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