Sadie woke up crying this morning.
I was in the shower and could hear her on the monitor. I turned off the water and stepped out to dry off while her crying continued to get louder.
I quickly wrapped a towel around me while my mommy instincts kicked into overdrive and I rushed into her room.
I asked her what was the matter and she was sitting straight up in bed, trembling and kept repeating to me over and over, "I want my baby brother, I want Sawyer."
Since this has all happened, we've tried to be very gentle with her in explaining what happened to Sawyer - while being very honest at the same time. She asks me to tell her the story of her brother and I tell it in the only way a two-year-old can comprehend...
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Sadie. And she had a Mommy and a Daddy and a baby brother named Sawyer. One day, God saw that Mommy and Daddy loved each other so much, that he put a baby in Mommy's tummy. One day, Mommy and Sawyer got very sick and they drove in the car to go see the doctor. Mommy went to sleep and the doctor took Sawyer out of Mommy's tummy. Mommy got better, but Sawyer was still very sick. Soon, God came to Sawyer and said it was time to come to heaven. And Mommy and Daddy were there when Sawyer became an angel. He is watching over you and he loves you very much. And now, Sawyer is forever an angel in heaven's sky. The end.
Over the past week, Sadie and I have visited a some friends with little babies at home. It's also been the first time that she's been around other babies and hasn't pointed to them and asked if they were her "baby brother!"
I think she finally understands that the other babies aren't Sawyer, and that Sawyer really is gone and that he's not coming home. I tried so hard this morning not to cry in front of her, but I couldn't hold back the pain of seeing my little girl so upset and missing her brother so much.
I wish she could have held him. I know she would have loved every moment of having him here in our lives. She is an amazing big sister. And she loves her Sawyer so much.