Thursday, July 1, 2010

No tears at bedtime

Last night was the first time in over four weeks that Erik and I went to bed without crying.

Part of me wonders how bad this is...

Am I a horrible mother for not continuing to mourn the death of my baby until the day I die? Because that's how I feel this morning.

2 comments:

OnTelegraph said...

Michelle, my heart tells me that you will mourn over the passing of your child everyday of your life. But what my heart also tells me is that your love for him will bring you strength to the hardest times you'll ever have in your future life. You are incredibly strong, you and Erik both.. and my thought is that you will find a sense of happiness once again. You are doing the most healthy thing any parent could do at this point with what you are going through, and that is sharing your experience and embracing the love and anguish we all have in our hearts. Keep in mind that the healing process only begins when you are ready... and when you need to cry, you turn to us and let it happen naturally. One day, some unknown morning, you'll wake up and realize that everything has a purpose, and a place, and you will smile and remind yourself how incredible life can be, not only to have your own life, but to provide life for others. As a woman you are able to create blood, you able to create breath... Your emotional wounds will always bleed, but we gain strength with loss, we really do...
I love you.
j.

Michelle said...

Those are perhaps the most beautiful words anyone has ever written to me, about me. The encouragement and love from you fills my heart when it feels empty.
I love you too