Yesterday was one of the worst of my life. Erik and I continue to keep trying as hard as we possibly can to make Sadie happy - to make each other happy. Except the thing is, we're not. I don't know who we're trying to kid more. Our friends and family? Or ourselves?
I'm at the point where I'm scared for myself. I don't care about anything. The reality of our lives is too much to carry. Too much to understand.
I want my baby. I need Sawyer.
Every night I pray to him. I tell Sawyer that I need him to come to my heart. That there is such a huge part of it that's missing and the only way to piece it together again is to feel the love and spirit of him inside of it. I love you Sawyer. I love you and think about you at every moment. I hope you're thinking of me too.