Friday, July 30, 2010

BitterSweet. But not in that order

We discovered tonight that Erik's mom had two pictures of Sawyer on her camera. Grandma Carolyn and Aunt Sarah had come to the hospital the day after Sawyer was born to meet the first grandson of the family.

At the time, Erik was home - grabbing a quick shower and picking up some essentials that I needed for the hospital stay. I had just told my nurses to put a sign on my door to direct visitors elsewhere because I was beyond exhausted and hadn't sleep in over two days at this point.

So there were Carolyn and Sarah.

They went to the NICU to meet Sawyer for the first and last time. And they took two pictures.

Two pictures of Sawyer I never knew existed. Two pictures of my baby getting a test done - that within an hour - told us we were going to lose our beautiful son.

Thank you God for this. I didn't know they were doing an echo of Sawyer's heart when I decided sleep was the best thing for me at that moment in time.

And now I have these pictures. I can be there in that moment, and cry.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

It is almost like finding a treasure when something like that happens. Just one more thing to hold on to and remind you of your sweet little man.