Friday, July 30, 2010

A million pieces

I met with a good friend for dinner tonight. And the entire time, I struggled to be "normal."

And by normal, I mean the old me. I don't know who I'm trying to fool more - myself? Or my family and friends?

The moment Sawyer died, it was all different. In an instant, we were blindsided with our new existence. We had no choice but to take it upon ourselves to carry this grief, and all the change that comes with it, upon our backs.

Now I'm left with the remnants. Trying to pick up the pieces of my life that broke into a million shards of glass. Each one is sharp and jagged, bringing with it pain while leaving a new scar on my heart.

And the pieces...

They never fit back together again the way they're supposed to.


Wyatt's Mommie said...

I don't believe the pieces are meant to fit back together the way the where before. I think the pieces are meant to create a new object, a more beautiful and strong object. I think that is the purpose for the first object shattering.
Hopefully you make sense of what I was trying to say. xoxoxo, Megan

Whittney Tomczyk said...

I understand. It feels like just trying to be my old self is exhausting sometimes. I know that things will never be the same, but I am hoping that some day they will at least be less tiring. Sort of a "fake it till you make it" strategy. I feel like I will just act this way until I figure out who the new me is. I hope that it gets easier for the both of us.

Michelle said...

@Whittney - That is exactly how I feel. I don't know who I am yet...when I do, I can stop feeling so awkward.

Laurie said...

You all said it. All of you above. sucks when there is no choice in the matter. Rebuild. Remake. Try to trust it will, in time, happen. I know I won't notice it happening...because all it really is, is survival. And, I don't feel very active in it...the process. I kinda feel that I am at the mercy of this tidal wave of change. And sometimes that really pisses me off - and then I laugh, because I didn't think I'd have the "anger stage"...ha, who was I kidding? When I finally wash up, I wonder who I'll be?

Love to you all.