As the sun was setting and the lightning bugs began their early-evening show - Erik, Sadie and I visited our favorite park in downtown Morris. We love going there to play in the shade of the tall oak trees. A true park reminding us of our own happy childhoods.
We walked to the park after dinner and found ourselves among the buzz of cicadas as Sadie hopped along from the swings to the slide. I asked Erik if he remembered the conversation we had around the same time at the park last summer...
As we watched Sadie clumsily learning how to climb and play at the same time just one year ago, we put our arms around each other - my head on his shoulder - and I quietly said to Erik, "It's not going to be like this forever." Sadie was going to grow up, and soon she would be a big sister just like we had planned.
And here we were. One year later. Our lives changed more than we ever could have imagined. Yet, one thing hadn't changed - It was still just the three of us.
As Erik and I thought back to the memory that for some reason, won't fade, a butterfly started to flutter about all around me. I stood up and said to Erik as he was helping Sadie down a slide, "Did you see that?!"
The little black and orange butterfly didn't stop. For the next ten minutes it fluttered about so quickly, swooping in right at my face then flying away into the sky. As Sadie roamed the park, the butterfly kept following me everywhere I went. I have never seen anything like it in my life.
As I stopped again trying to keep an eye on this tiny, yet quick, butterfly - it suddenly started to flutter right in front of me then landed on my hand. The butterfly landed on my hand!
My jaw dropped as my eyes filled with tears, I blinked them away as Erik and I stood in amazement at this beautiful butterfly, poised so perfectly on my right hand.
It was Sawyer.
As fast as it landed on my hand, within just a few seconds the butterfly flew off into the sky and didn't come back.
But I knew it was my Sawyer.
Erik told me that he knew it was him too. He said that he came down to tell me that he's alright and that he loves me very much. And I know that's why he was here. The past few days have been so extremely difficult for me and when I almost gave up the ltitle bit of hope for happiness I had left - A beautiful butterfly comes into my life, lands on my hand and touches my heart.
Mommy loves you too Sawyer. Every moment that goes by, is one moment closer to us being together again. I love you.